Sometimes I wonder how I can define a good person and how long that good person can actually remain a good person by that definition. Different people have different perceptions about good and bad. So how can someone become a good guy for all of them? And what it actually means by good? Is it behaving well, becoming well educated, helping others or just doing nothing bad to others? Some of my good habits may be considered as good by people who are known as good ones in their circle and some of my bad habits may also be considered as good habits by some people who are known as bad ones.
I think what I am trying to convey is a well known fact & well understood too by those who are sensitive enough & have some analytical power. At a specific point of time, opinions of people are totally relative & more over opinions are not at all a constant thing, opinions changes time to time depending on circumstances. So I think what people thinks about you really does not matter for your life except that if people thinks you as a good guy that may give you a 'feel good' thing. Other than that sometimes the 'known as good person' thing gives us lots of benefits in our professional life. In some cases it helps to gain something in personal life also. In either way it's about gaining something. But think again... is it always about gaining some thing? Is life is only about gaining? So is that true that some people just pretend to behave well only to gain something? Is there is anything like not good not bad just neutral??
Most of the time how we behave or how we affect our immediate environment decides how it will behave with us or what we will get from it in return. Ideally it should be a cyclic relation - what you give will be what you get. But practically in most of the cases we see violations of this rule. Especially in case of human relations (except blood relations) . The relation & our behavior depend on perhaps infinite number of things. When you behave nicely with someone there may be thousands of reasons behind it- you may need that person for your own benefit, you think that person is really next to God, you may think that the person will do harm or hurt you if you don't praise him or her, you may think if you praise him, he or she may help you or praise you in future and so on. Give and Take, Take and Take & Give and Give - all three are applicable to human relations. In addition to that, there are instances when our emotions take the lead role on how we behave with someone. In that case also there may be some motive of gaining emotional dependency or moral/emotional support. But these cases are more complicated than our day to day formal relationship with others. Sometimes there are extreme behavioral changes such as selfless acts, day dreams, feelings of security or insecurity, sudden emotional outbursts etc. Sometimes we even try to show off, try to show that I am a specific type of person that I am really not. Sometimes we try to hide things & even lie. What happens to good and bad in those cases? I personally think that it becomes more relative & complicated.
Now I am confused. If I try to be a good guy (for others), is it like that I am thinking about gaining some materialistic thing in life? Am I becoming selfish?? Is it the way things should work in life and in society? But I am sure that if we try to do good to others 100% selflessly then either some of us may become Gandhi part 2 or will be badly screwed. What about being a good guy for our own sake? Again the motive of gaining some thing comes into play. I have to do good things (or refrain myself from doing bad things) so that I can expect the same from others too. Are we that much selfish in every way?? Is that what evolution has made us? Do We have to do good things for our society, country and friends so that we can gain a better life or future? I think the answer is yes.
If we don't want to be known as either a good person or a bad person then I think there may be another win-win way. It is just to be known as a mysterious person. If people do not know everything or anything about you, they can't judge you easily. Yes you will be judged by your single action that they view and there always will be snap judgments. But those temporary & discreet events will be less memorable.
Being a real mysterious person is always difficult, since people loves mysteries. When they will find out that there is something unusual about you or you are keeping secrets, they all will jump on you & they will start guessing things about you. That's too bad. So you have to be careful about how much you reveal about yourself to different people. A well optimized balanced behavior may help us to live a life where people will not try to judge your action or you don't have to pretend doing good thing so that you can be known as a good guy.
But the mysterious person thing won't work for close relations & in long term relations with some specific people. Today or tomorrow someone will surely find out the real you underneath all layers and then a chaotic relationship may follow.
So what is the best choice for us for our behavior, habits, and thoughts - The good, the bad or the mystery? If there is no specific definition of good and bad then we must stop judging people by some specific action since, as I said earlier, there may be a million reason hiding behind that action or behavior. In addition to that we must stop pretending & reduce thinking about what others may think about us. But in that process we should not act like a heart less person, we must not lose respect & value for others feelings. Regarding the 'Becoming a mysterious person' - its better not to go in that direction. Because keeping secrets may hurt badly in long run. It may keep you isolated from your closer ones & there will be possibility of mistrust. Some day sooner or later you may even think yourself as a prisoner of your own isolated world guarded by your own secrets.
If I rule out all three then what remains for us? Which one is the Ideal way for us? I don't think there is any ideal way at all. I think there are only different ways. You can give them any name as you like such as the good way, the semi good way or the semi bad way etc. But you can never judge which one is superior because they are like different roads going to different directions where the end is not visible.
Last year when I went to my home, I found a SNAP...a very old ONE. It was a kid's Snap- in his school dress. That time he was probably in std. 2 or 3. It is my Snap or it was my Snap..am not sure. My memory is not that good, I cant recall exactly when the snap was taken. I cant even recall why was that taken and who took that. But I can recall few other things, things from that time or may be a year before/after the Snap was taken. There was a race....there was a paper & a pen in the middle of the track. A simple math problem was given in that paper...we were supposed to stop there..finish the problem..then run again....I was (& am) a slow runner..but I solved the problem very quickly. I was the second person to finish the race...but I forgot to take the paper containing the solved problem...I was dis-qualified...but I didnt feel sad..as .in my mind I was the winner.
