Vintage Thoughts

     Last year when I went to my home, I found a SNAP...a very old ONE. It was a kid's Snap- in his school dress. That time he was probably in std. 2 or 3. It is my Snap or it was my Snap..am not sure. My memory is not that good, I cant recall exactly when the snap was taken. I cant even recall why was that  taken and who took that. But I can recall few other things, things from that time or may be a year before/after the Snap was taken. There was a race....there was a paper & a pen in the middle of the track. A simple math problem was given in that paper...we were supposed to stop there..finish the problem..then run again....I was (& am) a slow runner..but I solved the problem very quickly. I was the second person to finish the race...but I forgot to take the paper containing the solved problem...I was dis-qualified...but I didnt feel sad..as .in my mind I was the winner.

      There was a boy...Indranil. One day he teased me for some reason. Don’t remeber why. I got angry..in fact very angry. We had a fight. None of us won...someone stopped us. Next day his mother came to school. She shouted at me. That boy was  cousin of the founder of the school. My maternal grandfather also came to my school on that day for some reason. Indranil’s mother behaved rudely with the old man. I felt angry & helpless. Somehow my grandfather was able to pacify her after a while. But I knew that I lost the battle. Without actually giving any fight.

     One more incident flashed my mind few minutes back while writing this article. It happened more than 12 years back. One day I saw someone, in a coaching center. I saw her for the first time. She was not the most beautiful girl I have ever seen but she had something in her eyes or I saw something in her eyes. I don't know how to describe. But she made me feel differently & see things differently. For few minutes I kept thinking how beautiful my life is, I thought everything that was happening was happening for good. I forgot about maths & my new mathematics teacher. For next 2 hours he had scrolled me several times since I was making silly mistakes but it didn't bother me-I stayed in my trans-state - a state of pure positive thoughts.

    Sometimes all those memories make me happy, sometimes sad. When I look back, I can see that my memory lane is a mess. Hard to define whether it is good or bad. I dont know the definition of good or bad. I can’t even define myself. I wonder why do I have to impose a fixed definition of everything? For example few months back I tried to define the meaning of life. After 2 pages & 1 hour I found - I can never define life & it is stupidity to even try. Sometimes I try to define beauty or ugliness, good or bad etc. Those definitions are relative...changes from person to person, time to time. Now the question is- why do I even try? I dont have any answer.